The American Sebastes Society held a fund raiser last week to aid young rockfishes orphaned when their parents were killed due to overfishing.

Honorary chairwomen Lady Charmain Boatswain-Fetlock, graciously donated her lovely estate "Noogies" for the occasion. Noogies is named for her champion dalmatian, who, in 1994, placed fourth in the AKC/EUKANUBA American Dog Classic. "Rockfishes put their lives on the line every day," was her simple explanation.

"An Evening in Gallipoli" faithfully recreated the unsuccessful invasion of Turkey by allied forces in 1915. With over 16 tons of sand (provided by Sands of Time) artfully spread throughout the ballroom and the trunks and fronds of 142 palm trees run through a wood chipper piled in windrows, Noogies truly resembled a shell-cratered landing zone.

The table centerpieces echoed the evening’s theme with decaying ration containers, barbed wire and unexploded munitions, all made of marzipan, courtesy of Jane Gravelpasser of Obscure Objects Made of Marzipan. A plush eviscerated rat accompanied each table setting and every attendee was given a genuine World War 1 flare to wave in answer to the fun and nonsense questions of master of ceremonies Eurypides Zincpresser.

Sponsors of the event included Rob and Darlene Plumcot of Sands of Time, Esther and Phil Spawnmeister for the Foundation Foundation, and Ruth Groats (husband Sherman was in Omaha breaking up a union strike). Sponsors were honored with tables inside special foxholes dug into the ballroom’s parquet floor.

During dinner, the recordings of 420 mm shellfire was subdued for conversation, then increased in tempo to accompany the very entertaining Nalilah and her Golden Balalaika. Her evocative renderings of such Triple Entente favorites as "I’ll Crush the Hun and Bring You Back His Vitles", "When Last I Sniffed Her Damask Petals", and "There’s a Chocolate Drop for Every Cross in Flanders" brought tears to the eyes of honorary chair Walter Pierpuffer and his charming Janine.

The theme of the marvelously imaginative fund-raising auction was "Things Not to Put in Your Ears" and included a cunning arrangement of sharp objects (donated by Sharp Objects of Paris), hissing beetles on necklaces (donated by and a trip to the home of the person who "put the bop in the bop sha bop sha bop". The high bid for this adventure came from tablemates Sissy and Jimmy Rugkisser, Arnold and Dorcas Levelwind, and Clarissa and Clint Clabber.

Catering was by Belinda of Lipsmackers. Belinda noted that two of the evening’s four entrees, "Basic Loaf #3" and "Basic Casserole #7" were taken directly from the 1913 edition of the British War Ministry’s "Division Level Quick and EZ Meals."

Perhaps the highlight of the evening was the release of "mustard gas", made with real Dijon mustard, during the silent auction.

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